R.A.D.I.C.A.L. Thoughts for R.A.D.I.C.A.L. Women
Last night at our Midlife Divorce Recovery Support Group meeting the group discussed how relationships with extended family and friends had changed since divorce. We talked about the fact that some relationships from your married days had to be let go, that some were worth investing the time and energy to maintain, and that new relationships need to be encouraged and sought out. Divorce changes just about every relationship we have to some extent, and that is just one of the pitfalls we all have to navigate on this journey. And we need to give more thought to what we want in new relationships because of that. So I had the group make a list of “Deal Breakers” in new relationships (things like dishonesty, addictions, controlling behavior, poor hygiene, lack of respect). We then talked about “Must Haves” in any new relationship (things like honesty, generosity, moral character, sense of humor, a job!); and finally, “Nice-to-Haves” (six pack abs, knows how to dance, can cook). But after reading Sue’s column, I’m thinking we should have put “willing to share household chores” as an entry into the “Must Have” list. According to the article, both men and women are more content and their sex life is better if both partners take responsibility for making sure their day-to-day home life works like it should. “The study defined housework as nine chores: cleaning, preparing meals, washing dishes, washing and ironing (does anyone do that any more, really?), driving family members around, shopping, yard work, maintaining cars and paying bills.” So in light of Sue’s research, maybe one of the questions we should ask any serious contender for a long-term relationship is what they think about housework!
To see the whole article, go to www.wsj.com. Then click on today’s paper (October 21, 2009); scroll down to Personal Journal and then click on “Talk Clean to Me; the Sex-Housework Link”.
By the way, the cost of my subscription to the Wall Street Journal is worth it because of Sue’s column, Work & Family. It’s uncanny how often she writes about issues that are currently important in my own life, and she does so with professionalism, insight and often with a refreshing sense of fun.
