R.A.D.I.C.A.L. Thoughts for R.A.D.I.C.A.L. Women

“I know that what doesn’t help is the terrible feeling of isolation, the fear that everyone else is doing better than you.” Anne Lamott

On the midlife divorce recovery journey, the feeling of isolation is often devastating. And you are often thinking to yourself, “A normal, well-adjusted woman wouldn’t be acting like this!” You not only feel isolated and alone, but as Anne says later in her book, you feel like everyone else is at a party. During the early days of divorce, most of us are just trying to get from one day to the next. Our friends often don’t know what to do with us. The people at church may not know about the divorce or pending divorce or may think they shouldn’t take sides. (And at church, especially suddenly everyone except you seems to be part of a happy, perfectly functioning family!) Kids are becoming more independent and maybe leaving home, and we often feel a sense of quiet desolation. And even if we have others around us, we sometimes feel like an intruder, an outsider. In my opinion, I think God’s perfect plan includes places to belong. That’s often why teenagers get involved with gangs because of that inborn need to be part of a group that cares for each other. God places us in families, tribes, neighborhoods, support groups, churches and other places where we can be embraced and encouraged and where we can laugh and cry together. In divorce, so many of those supports are taken away. I’m sorry to say, you often have to find or build a group of your own. Find a R.A.D.I.C.A.L. Group you can be a part of. Join the RadicalWomenNetwork where women are encouraging each other every single day. Sharing experiences with other women who understand will give you the strength and courage to get back out into the real world. The Women in the 10-Week R.A.D.I.C.A.L. Women support groups are planning nights out to go to the movies, pot-luck dinners at each others’ homes, laser-tag parties and on and on. And when you are part of a group like this, you understand that everyone else is in about the same shape you are. It’s a relief to know you aren’t the only one crying in bed at night or occasionally doing really stupid things in trying to make some sense of all of this. So, take the initiative. I think you will discover that feelings and situations and are much the same for everyone on this journey. You are not alone. Everyone else feels as discouraged as you at times. And you sometimes feel those little instances of new hope and power, too. Women who understand those feeling are in a perfect place to encourage each other because you know. You’ve been there. Isolation makes recovery much more difficult. If you can’t find or form a physical group of your own, join the RadicalWomenNetwork and see all of the bonding going on there. Just go to the www.midlifedivorcerecovery.com and click on the R.A.D.I.C.A.L. Women button. You’ll discover women all over this country and from more than 60 foreign countries who know exactly how you feel.

Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us
encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching. Hebrews 10:25 (NIV)