R.A.D.I.C.A.L. Thoughts for R.A.D.I.C.A.L. Women
“Positive thinking seems to be mandatory in the breast cancer world, to the point that unhappiness requires a kind of apology.” Barbara Ehrenreich in her book, Bright-Sided: How the relentless promotion of positive thinking has undermined America
As a spiritual person, don’t you sometimes feel you have to apologize for your own midlife divorce sadness? When the reality that I was going to be divorced set in, I was truly devastated. I thought my good life was over. I couldn’t stop crying. And somewhere deep down I felt guilty about that. I thought, “I’m a Christian. I shouldn’t be feeling like this. I’ve got God in my life, I should be able to say, ‘Your will be done,’ and just move on.” But that’s not how real life works. In her book, Ms. Ehrenreich says when she discovered she had breast cancer she was immediately thrust into the ultra feminine world of cuddly teddy bears, pink, and everyone telling her to put on a happy face. It’s like my friend up the street who also had cancer. She said it used to really make her mad when people, especially Christians, would say things like, “God will use this to make you more appreciative or a better person.” My wonderful neighbor is pretty much an atheist. She was flat out mad about getting cancer and about people telling her she should somehow be thankful for it. I agree, you can’t make cancer a good thing no matter how you spin it. A writer for the Kansas City Star would agree when he and his young children lost his beautiful wife and their mother to cancer. I can relate a little to how they feel. There is nothing good about cancer. There is nothing good about divorce. But what are we to do? If you’re an atheist like my neighbor or just mad like the author of the book above, or a God-follower; you still have to come to some sort of acceptance. You don’t have to like it, but it is a reality. So how do we live day-to-day in the face of that reality? I agree that positive thinking, per se, doesn’t change the diagnosis (even though it may make me a bit easier to live with.) But here’s what I believe: I believe there is a God in heaven who cares about me and did not cause my divorce, but has promised to use the suffering that I experience because of it for his glory and my good. I can grieve what I lost. But I can also celebrate what I’ve gained: a new appreciation for the wild nature of life on this earth. In my heart, I know more than ever that this earth is not the final destination. I can say without a doubt that I am a more appreciative, more sensitive, more free, more loving, and more generous than I would have been without my divorce experience. And more than ever I believe that God continually keeps his promise to “work all things together for good to those who love him and are trying to live his way.” For me that’s not postive thinking, that’s a positive reality, and it makes all the difference in the world.
“And we know that all that happens to us is working for our good if we love God and are fitting into his plans.” Romans 8:28 (The Living Bible)
“That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our loves of love for God is worked into something good.” Romans 8:28 (The Message)
