R.A.D.I.C.A.L. Thoughts for R.A.D.I.C.A.L. Women

This morning I woke up at 4:00 a.m. feeling discouraged and frustrated and did I say discouraged? I fixed a pot of coffee and I did my daily Bible reading which usually has a way of centering me. I whined to God and asked for help (again). I need to clone myself. Yesterday I talked about the freedom to make our own choices. What I didn't talk about was how difficult those choices sometimes are. First of all, my mom, fell night before last and broke her hip. We've worried about something like this. She is 89, my dad is 90. They have been living in their own home with a companion who comes in every weekday. My incredible brother and his amazing wife have the biggest share of checking in on and helping our parents because they live in the same town. I'm three hours away. Mom had surgery last night and is going to be in rehab for several difficult, and I'm sure uncomfortable if not painful weeks. My dad is going downhill faster than we want to admit. It's time for choices. My brother and I decided it would be best for me to come to Wichita on the weekend. By then, visitors would have probably become fewer, and there is a wedding my brother and his family are involved in so I could be most help then. We're going to have to make choices about what to do going forward. My parents definitely need full-time care. We have been putting it off. Now we can't. We have to figure out what to do with all their stuff. And here's another thing: Our family takes a trip to Wyoming every year to fish. For reasons beyond my control, I have missed the last two years and we were planning to go in two weeks. Yesterday, while I was helping my daughter she had all her Wyoming stuff set aside in a pile and she said, "I can't wait for Wyoming." She has two young ones (my grandchildren!) and she can't really make that trip on her own, so none of us can go. I'm sad about it. I'm sad about my mom (and my dad). I'm mad there are so many men who have affairs and destroy marriages. I'm frustrated that I can't seem to figure out how to make enough money doing this business to make it pay for itself. But ... I've still got choices. I am going to cancel my reservations for Wyoming. (I worry about Ev who owns the Mountain View Hotel (a fantastic place) in Centennial ... who might lose much-needed money because she's been holding our rooms for weeks.) I'm going to have to tell my daughter today. I'm going to keep writing letters and books and doing support groups. I'm going to keep working to figure out how to be a business woman. We're going to try to do the best thing for my parents. I think I'm going to go walk around the block and cry a little and then I have to get to work. Things are what they are. I'm sad they are like this, but that doesn't change them. I'll cry and pray and fuss and cry some more and then I'll get busy doing what needs to be done. Love you all. Pray.