R.A.D.I.C.A.L. Thoughts for R.A.D.I.C.A.L. Women

“This was a whole lot more than a simple affair, this was a love story.” Statement by Mark Sanford reported in the Wall Street Journal this morning.

If it weren’t so pathetic, that statement would make me laugh. Because I spend 12-14 hours a day helping midlife women who are picking up the pieces after divorces caused by men like Mark Sanford, his statement above makes me want to throw up. First of all, there is no such thing as a simple affair. It sounds like Mark had a few “simple” affairs as he calls them as well as his suddenly not-so-simple affair with Ms. Chapur. Maybe a simple affair is when you screw someone you’re not married to and just mess up her life and her children’s lives and go on your merry way. Maybe “simple” affairs are those one-night stands in motels or fancy hotels when you’re out of town and you don’t get caught. Then, I guess there are the affairs like Sandford's latest. You call home and talk to the kids and check in with the wife then you meet someone at the bar or an "open-air dance spot" and after a few Margaritas you start creating your soul mate. “Like I just love her sooooo much….like she’s my soul mate like we talked for four hours on the phone and we sneak behind the bleachers and kiss and she has texted me 20 times already this morning… like I’m going to quit school and run away with her because her parents don’t approve and we’ll be so happy even if we have to live in a trailer and even if I never see my parents again ….” Isn’t that the feeling you get? It’s almost comedic how many of these men, say things like Mark Sanford said and do ridiculous things like he did. Leaving work undone at the office for a “quickie” in the back seat of the car. Calling on the phone dozens of times a day. Putting wives, children, careers and every honorable thing in the trash for this “fix” to their inflated egos. I’m sorry, but reading this sorry saga keeps making me depressed. And the women who are the mistresses are embarrassing, too. But they both will continue to say, “This is my soul mate. This is my true love.” Then after the fake glow wears off, if they get married they divorce at a rate of 3 out of 4. Then they are on to a new “light of their lives” while wives and children who are left behind try to figure out how to rebuild the rest of their lives after this humiliation. Here’s one thing I want to say. If this is how your wasband behaved, you deserve better. Even if you never re-marry, it will be better than living with a self-absorbed person like this. And you will find that there are men who know what a real “love story” is. A real love story is making choices every single day for the good of the person you say you love. Grieve the loss of your dreams. Grieve the challenges your children will face. Then put your head up and your shoulders back and create the new life you deserve.

"But a man who commits adultery lacks judgment; whoever does so destroys himself." Proverbs 6:32 (NIV)