R.A.D.I.C.A.L. Thoughts for R.A.D.I.C.A.L. Women

“No fear. No distractions. The ability to let that which does not matter truly slide."-Fight Club (The Movie)

One of the benefits of a midlife divorce is that often you have a chance to get really close to your children. Yes, they see you at your worst. Yes, you have to apologize and ask for forgiveness for some of your more ridiculous behavior. But there forms a bond that shows your true colors to your children and lets them know how much you love them. (That’s one more reason to constantly think about the legacy you are leaving them. What will they learn about you and about life through this? When the going gets really tough, will they see you practicing what you’ve been preaching all these years? Will your love and forgiveness and confidence shine or will you stay bitter and angry and hurt for longer than you should?) Those are all scary questions, but questions your behavior will answer, nonetheless. But last night, my youngest son took me out to dinner and a movie – a delayed mother’s day gift. Dinner was relaxed and delicious with easy but enlightening talk about what was going on in each of our lives and what new projects we were working on. The movie “Away We Go” was perfect for this particular night. It had an entertaining, (hilarious at times), but serious look at some of life’s big questions to ponder and discuss … questions about commitment and relationships ... and there were tears. But it was just a really a great night. At one point during dinner this handsome, bright, fun 24-year-old young man who happens to be my son, summarized one of his favorite quotes from Fight Club. He said, “One of man’s greatest abilities is to let that which does not matter truly slide.” How true! How good that he’s learning that concept much earlier than I did. I learned that through my divorce. I could have saved myself lots of tears and heartache and useless fretting and agonizing if I had just let more things slide instead of trying so hard to manage and hang on to things that didn’t matter. If I had let them go I would have had more energy and attention to give those things that truly did matter. “Out of the mouth of babes,” as they say. If you have a son or daughter or some other close young person you can spend an evening with, do it. It’s a refreshing pleasure, and you both have wisdom to share.