R.A.D.I.C.A.L. Thoughts for R.A.D.I.C.A.L. Women

“It is always important to know what is and what is not your business.” Gertrude Stein

In my midlife divorce and the recovery that followed, so many things suddenly became my business that hadn’t been my business before. I had to start doing things my wasband had always done. I also thought it was my business to fix everything for everyone. And of course, it seemed to be my business to figure out why my wasband decided to leave our marriage and have a girlfriend. While we were still married and trying to figure out financial and custody and many, many other issues, I thought his business was still my business and to a certain extent it was. But once all of those decisions are over and your divorce is final, he is not your business any more. His business is not your business. Your business is you and your new life. I went to a women’s business meeting this morning and the topic was "Reframing the Way We Think about Work/Life Balance." That’s where the Gertrude Stein quote above came from. If your divorce is final, quit worrying about him and what he is doing or what he and his girlfriend are doing or how ridiculous he’s acting. He is not your business any more. Period. Even for those of you who have to deal with sharing younger children, what they do at his house is pretty much his business unless of course it is blatantly or seriously harmful to them. You have to let it go. After a long marriage, it’s hard, but you have to give him up. Completely. When we don’t do that, we become, like the speaker this morning said, “psychic sponges.” We soak up everyone else’s problems and pain. What you need to concentrate on right now is yourself and your own future and creating the life you want. He is not your business anymore. You are your business. So … today, let's all start “takin’ care of business” … our own.

“Stay calm; mind your own business; do your own job.” 1 Thessalonians 4:11 (The Message)