R.A.D.I.C.A.L. Thoughts for R.A.D.I.C.A.L. Women
“As times get tougher, complaining is starting to look more like a blood sport than a coping mechanism.” Elizabeth Bernstein, Bonds, Wall Street Journal, June 16, 2009
"Misery Poker" is the title of a column in the Wall Street Journal from yesterday. If you’re on the road of midlife divorce recovery, you know more than you ever wanted to know about misery. The premise of Elizabeth Bernstein in the article mentioned above is that more and more people are complaining about their lot in life. We one-up a friend or acquaintance who mentions she's had a hard day, or her job is terrible, or her spouse is clueless. In our case, our situation is awful, horrendous, and in our opinion, worse than the situation of just about anyone we come in contact with. Married friends complain their husband won’t take out the trash. Friends complain that they have to give up their weekly manicure. We think to ourselves, “If they had any idea of what I’m facing, they wouldn’t be complaining! My wasband is taking his girlfriend to the Bahamas instead of me, I have to: sell my house, try to find a job to make ends meet, tell my kids we don't have money for college this fall, take care of absolutely everything myself," and on and on and on. In the middle of this unwanted journey, we have a right to complain and we can complain all we want to our therapist or a divorce recovery coach or a close friend or family member. But just for today let’s listen to everyone else’s tale of woe and then reply with an encouraging thought or a suggestion of gratitude for something instead of saying, “You think that’s bad, listen to what I’ve been going through!” Let’s just stop the cycle of complaining for today and say only uplifting, good, positive words. Let’s see what a difference that makes. Make a choice just for today to only say things that build others (and ourselves) up. Let’s all calmly lay down our cards in the Misery Poker game and politely “Pass.”
“Do everything without complaining and arguing so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation in which you shine like stars in the universe…” Philippians 2:14-15
