Divorce Recovery and the Holidays

It’s time for holiday parties. That’s a good thing. But if you are new on the midlife divorce recovery road, parties can be a challenge. Often at the beginning of my own journey, I would just hold myself together at parties and then cry on the way home. I was always thankful for the invitations, and I was trying to be upbeat. But, the thought of going to festive holiday celebrations reinforced the fact that I was going by myself without a husband. And I often wondered if people wondered what was wrong with me that my charming, generous, gregarious, (and yes, adulterous) partner would leave our marriage. He was so much fun to be around, I wondered if they thought it had to be me. I guess I was somewhat paranoid at that point! And after a divorce, I suddenly felt fat and frumpy even though I can honestly say I was neither. So just getting dressed, fixing your face and getting out the door without crying is sometimes a real accomplishment. Then the party is another test. Before you get to the party, think about what you are going to say when people ask how you are. DO NOT GO INTO A TIRADE BAD-MOUTHING YOUR WASBAND! That is the worst thing you can do. Practice in front of a mirror saying something upbeat and kind of fun, like, “Well, I know someone who should get a lump of coal in his stocking” and then move on. Then immediately ask them how their family is. People will be relieved that (1) you don’t cry, and (2) you don’t spend all evening playing the “poor me-awful him” card. Try for the one or two hours you are there to actually have fun. Concentrate on the person you are talking with. I mean really be interested in how they are. Try to completely forget about yourself and your situation for those two hours. Be lighthearted. Remember that friends can be a lifeline and attend the gathering with a gracious and grateful heart. Everyone will be glad you came and will be thrilled that you are doing so well. You can cry in bed if you need to, once you get home.

Join www.radicalwomennetwork.com and download the document 101 Ways to Survive the Holidays While You're Surviving Divorce. You can also chat with other women going through this midlife divorce recovery journey. Post a question on the secure discussion formum. Ask how others are handling holiday get togethers. You won't need these resources forever, but they can be incredibly helpful especially during this challenging time of year. You are more than worth every investment you make in your recovery. Do it for yourself and for everyone else!