Divorce Recovery and the Holidays
Image from www.christmastreetruth.com.
Well, we got the tree decorated last weekend. That for me is always the hardest part of getting ready for the post divorce holidays, even though it’s been eight years since my divorce. You probably have your own triggers for special memories and traditions that are especially meaningful to you. When your divorce happens, you have to readjust. In our first family, every year we each got a new ornament that signified something special about that year. A car ornament for our first new car. A bottle of champagne for a successful business deal and of course most important all of those handmade decorations from the kids in preschool and elementary school, track ornaments, swim team, college and on and on. The tradition in our family was that when a child got married, at the rehearsal dinner, they were presented with their box of ornaments to start their own family tree. During the divorce we separated the ornaments and stockings. My first inclination was to just get rid of all the ornaments and start over. But when I thought about it, I didn’t want to negate all of the victories of the past. I wanted to appreciate them and use them to build the new life I want now. But even now, when I first take out my box that says “Suzy’s Ornaments,” memories flood in with each one I see. There are a few ornaments from those early years of no money, when I cut and painted egg cartons gold, or the painted ones I made of flour and salt and water. Each year it gets easier to be objective and see the positives about keeping those ornaments. Now, I put them on the tree slowly and try to appreciate that part of my life and what I learned and enjoyed. There were no tears at all. There was a feeling of embracing the rich tapestry of life with all of its joys and sorrows, victories and defeats. We still buy a new ornament every year, so I have new memories to add every year. New victories to celebrate. Handmade ornaments from grandchildren. New occasions to remember. The tree is as beautiful as any we’ve ever had, and I can sit in the quiet of the night and truly appreciate the beauty of the whole tree and every single ornament hanging on it.
Go to www.midlifedivorcerecovery.com for more resources. Join www.radicalwomennetwork.com and download the document 101 Ways to Survive the Holidays While You're Surviving Divorce. Find joy every day.
