Surviving the Holidays

I know if you are in the middle of a midlife divorce and are filled with apprehension about your future, you might think there is not much in your situation to be thankful for. Even if you feel like you have no support and recovery seems light years away, you have a choice to focus on the negatives or on the positives. And what you focus on grows. If you keep foremost in your thoughts how terrible your life is right now, there is no room at all for joy. But, if you do something as simple as making a list of five things you have to be extremely thankful for this very minute, you start attracting good into your life. I know, my first thanksgiving alone was miserable. Everyone was somewhere else for Thanksgiving ... the kids with in-laws or their dad and I was completely alone. I got in my car and drove three hours to my parents' house crying most of the way. And even on that day, I was on the verge of tears most of the day. But as awful as that first post-divorce Thanksgiving was, I survived it. I made it through. I did try to take advantage of the chance to reconnect with extended family members on a more intimate level. Even nieces and nephews seemed eager to be encouraging. My parents and brothers were reassuring, too. But even if you don't have any extended family to share the day with, even if you happen to be completely alone, get outside. Take a walk. Cook your favorite dinner. Call an elderly neighbor who might also be alone. Consider this your wilderness survival training. Do whatever you have to do to survive. It's only one day and then the mad rush to other holidays will continue. When you survive adversity, just like the marines in wilderness survival training, you feel empowered after it's over. You say to yourself, "Okay. I did it. I got through the day. I'm still standing on my own two feet." And you get a little glimpse at your own resiliency and power. And I want to tell you, that's just the beginning. You are just on the brink of discovering a more powerful you than you have ever known. So be thankful for whatever you have today and tomorrow and the next day. If you do this right, your life is going to be transformed in ways you can't even imagine right now. Believe me. It's true.

P.S. I apologize for the lapse in blogs lately. Since my mention in the Wall Street Journal, things have been on fast forward. I am having to make some changes in everything I'm doing. I'm trying to get more efficient and find better ways to provide recovery resources for you. I am developing some Quick Start solutions to help you set a goal of one year to be in a place you want to be. I know that seems long to you right now, but recovery is hard and with the help of hundreds of R.A.D.I.C.A.L. Women, I am finding new ways to help you move forward. So stay tuned for that. Hopefully, everything will be up and running by January One. 'Til then, I'll try to keep the blogs more up to date.