R.A.D.I.C.A.L. Thoughts

I have an idea that you were like me, and that even though your marriage had become unendurable, you still didn't want to give up on it. Maybe you are not even through the process and keep thinking it might still work out. I hoped for a miracle until I signed the paper saying we were officially divorced. Even in the courtroom I had some sort of dream that he might stand up and come over to me and say, let's go home and work this out. But it didn't happen. As you read the poem on the blog today, understand that there is definitely a time when you have to let go. You absolutely cannot make someone stay in a marriage that they are determined to leave. But once you understand that you have tried everything ... you have given him every chance ... you have prayed all the prayers you could pray and he still wants to leave, you have to let him go. Cry your tears. Fully mourn what you have lost. But let me reassure you that God is working even now. Your life can absolutely be full of good things again. Good relationships. Good experiences. Good life. Good love all around. The midlife divorce recovery struggle is not easy. But when you emerge stronger and more beautiful on the other side, you will understand when I say that your new life can be good beyond your wildest dreams. Believe that. Hold on to that. You, too, will understand how true that is.

Below is a poem from a group of poems I wrote called: "They call it a midilfe crisis: That doesn't begin to describe the destruction."

True Confessions

I'll admit
I want the security
that you want me completely
without hesitation ...... nothing held back.
I don't want to worry
that somewhere deep inside
you feel like you
had to give up the true ‘love of your life'
for respectability.

I'll admit
I want romance...
an extravagance of heartfelt affection.
I want to know
that you have a tingling excitement
about our future together.

I'll admit
I want to live the rest of my life with a man
who loves me without reservation,
who is secure enough to show me that
with fun
and optimism
and good-natured laughter.
I want a man with a contented desire
to be honest and true...
not someone who feels
hemmed in and restricted by faithfulness.

I'll admit
I have doubts you can be that kind of man.

I’ll admit
I’m afraid you’ll always think that
money and things and activities
and being president of everything
will bring you satisfaction.

I’m afraid you will forever be looking
for something in the pages of Playboy and Penthouse
and between the legs of easy women
to fill the empty spaces you have inside.

I'll admit
I'm ready to say,
"Go ahead, have your cheap unbalanced immoral girlfriend.”

I want someone better,
something richer,
a good life of love and laughter.

I'm tired
of hoping you'll grow up enough
to grasp the unbelievable pleasures
of love over the long run.
Or hoping you will learn to be content with what you have,
Or wishing you could understand the exquisite joys
of sharing your heart and your self
with me
and with your children and grandchildren.

I'll admit
most of all, I'm tired of your life of lies.

But you know what's really sad?

I'll admit
I keep wanting to give you another chance.

I keep thinking God will
somehow make this turn out alright.

I'll admit,
after all these years,
it's hard for me to give up on you ...
and on us.

I'll admit

it's hard for me to accept

that it’s time to let you go.