R.A.D.I.C.A.L. Thoughts
“When you are under the domination of others you degenerate into something less than a complete person.” ~ Secret Mental Powers by Frank Rudolph Young
As I read a little more of Frank Young’s book, I discovered a chapter entitled “The Secret Mental Power to Protect Yourself from Domination by Others.” He actually is ‘right on’ about some of his observations. Listen to this and see if you can’t relate to how your wasband treated (and probably is still treating) you. “When you are dominated by someone, your best thinking and behavior are submerged and allowed to rise back only to the level to which your dominator will permit. Your whole make-up is enslaved to his whims and fancies and is subservient to his moods. Since he will consider you only as a good-natured robot with half the intelligence he has, he treats you like one and converts you into such a creature because your physiological language attunes itself to that state.” It wasn’t until after my midlife divorce and I was completely out of that kind of domination that I began to see how unequal our marriage was. If I disagreed with anything he wanted, I was ‘selfish and self-centered.’ If I wanted to rein in our spending I was ‘a stick in the mud who never wanted to have any fun.’ If I mentioned his drinking, I was being ‘self-righteous.’ I think women who are trying to be spiritual partners have more trouble with the domination issue than women who have no background in that concept. I know I was trying to be a helper to my then-husband. I was trying to practice I Corinthians 13. However, as I look back, it was completely one-sided. The relationship became not a relationship of two equals, but a relationship where my honest need, wants and wishes were always subjugated to his. Even after our divorce, he did not like it when I started standing up for myself. Most men like that don’t. He still wanted to control my thinking and me. Recognizing the problem is half of the solution. Start noticing the ways in which your wasband is still trying to dominate you. Keep practicing the love chapter yourself, but understand that real love requires submission to God and his love by both parties of the relationship.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy; it does not boast; it is not proud; it does not dishonor others; it is not self-seeking; it is not easily angered; it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
