R.A.D.I.C.A.L. Thoughts

“Appearing needy – at any age – is known to be a turnoff.” Andrea Aelion Brooks, author and journalist, Wall Street Journal 3/22/08

I know that at the beginning of any grieving period, especially the grief of midlife divorce and in the process of recovery, we are needy. That’s a fact. We need support. We need friends and family. We need God. We need about every kind of help we can get. Financial. Emotional. Spiritual. Physical. And that’s okay. In fact, that’s normal, and don’t try to get through the early stages of your recovery journey on your own. Don’t be embarrassed to admit you’re needy. We have all been there it’s nothing to be ashamed of even for us “independent, I-can-do-this-myself types” like me. I was embarrassed that I was so needy, but in looking back, I should not have been and neither should you. But at some point, we need to start getting back on our feet. We need to stand up again and take charge again and look forward again. It doesn’t come overnight. Courage comes back to us in little increments. First, we can get out of bed. Then a next step is to go to the grocery story. Then going for coffee with a friend. If we have children still at home, these steps usually come faster because we are trying to “be there” for our children and that is a good thing. We need to do that. But as we get farther along, the less needy we are, the better off we’ll be. Keep in mind that if you are a person of faith, you can rest assured that God is taking care of you regardless of how you feel. Trust that reality. He has promised to supply what we need in every area of our lives. People will be patient with our neediness for a while. But at some point, everyone wants to see us getting better and moving on. And especially, if you are far enough along in your recovery that you are starting to think about dating again, remember that the more confident and assured you are, the more appealing you are. When you find yourself clothed in the promises of a God who will never fail you, you should have all the confidence you need.

“You can be sure that God will take care of everything you need, his generosity exceeding even yours in the glory that pours from Jesus.” Philippians 4:19 (The Message)

P.S. Thanks for your patience while I was in Japan. I can see that my last few blogs did not come through as well as I had hoped. At some points, the screen would start substituting Japanese characters for my words! The trip was amazing and refreshing in lots of ways and I came back with all kinds of new ideas from the Japanese that I hope to put into practice here at home. Plus, I am finally, readjusting to the 14-hour time difference. Really, the trip was absolutely fantastic for so many reasons. Believe me, your life can be incredibly wonderful again too! Keep the faith. Be confident. Remember what R.A.D.I.C.A.L. means!
P.P.S. Go online to www.wsj.com and check out the essay mentioned above. The title is Playing the Field – Sometimes, the less interest you have in ‘making a commitment,’ the more suitors come knocking at your door. It’s in a special section entitled, A guide to retirement planning and living … but it’s mainly about looking at new horizons in midlife. If you have a chance, read it.