R.A.D.I.C.A.L. Thoughts

“Love is never lost. If not reciprocated, it will flow back and soften and purify the heart.” ~Washington Irving

I’ve been worried about what to write today. I can remember one Valentine’s Day early on during my divorce journey, I was supposed to go to the gym and meet with the personal trainer to monitor my progress. On the way to the gym, I saw cars filled with balloons. I saw flower delivery trucks. And when I got to the gym there were flowers on the desk that had been sent to the beaming receptionist. I walked into the trainer’s office and with tears starting and a trembling voice, I said, “I just can’t do this today,” and left his office, walked to my car and cried my way home. I wanted my Valentine back. I didn’t want to think about what “my” valentine had bought his new valentine, but I couldn’t help it and I was heartbroken. If that’s where you are, I know you feel just the worst you think you can possibly feel. As Mother Teresa once said, to be unwanted is the worst of pain. But remember this, you aren’t unwanted. You have one person who is dumb and who let you go. He probably lost the best thing that ever happened to him. But that doesn’t make you feel better. I know, too, that anything I say will not help much. As hard as it is, you have to help yourself. You can go online and google “Single, Valentine’s Day” and there are pages and pages of sites with things to do today. You aren’t alone. I know that doesn’t help either. Did you know there is an actual day for singles on February 14th? It’s called SAD. Single Awareness Day. You realize you are single. But people have found ways to celebrate and get through this day even though they are single. For me, in the beginning, I didn’t want to do anything fun. I didn’t want to go to a party. I simply wanted the day to be over. I prayed I could just make it through. Just remember this: Love is something we do. Love is an action. Think of ways to demonstrate love to others. Or to yourself. Maybe today you can go to the bookstore and buy a whole stack of magazines you like and just put on your sweats and eat just things you like. Or go get a massage. Or go take cookies to the nursing home. Most of those people have lost their life mate. Most of them have no one. Buy yourself something you want. Buy a small box of Godiva chocolates. Get a CD you’ve been wanting. Order a magazine subscription like Oprah or REAL Simple or the New Yorker. Go get yourself a piece of jewelry. Go get yourself a fancy teacup and saucer at an antique store. Get some herbal tea. Take candy to your grandkids. Buy yourself the flowers you want. If you don’t have the energy to love anyone else, love yourself. Get through this day. Cry. Remember you won’t always feel like this. If you are past this awful stage, do whatever you want (that is moral and legal). If you are past this sobbing stage call someone who is not and take her a pizza. It’s only one day. This feeling you have is making you more sensitive to others and that is a good thing, too. Read the quote above again. I know I’ve rambled today because I know how hard my first few Valentines Days were. I want to help you feel better, but know I can’t, really. I guess my parting words are: You have the choice to love. Love comes from God. Read the verse below and believe it and do it and understand it’s unbelievable implications.

“Dear friends, let us love one another because love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of love and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.” 1 John 4:7-8