R.A.D.I.C.A.L. Thoughts

“I’d always been terrified of this (being alone). But I would rather never be in a couple, or ever get laid again than be in a toxic relationship.” ~ Anne Lamott in Plan B, Further Thoughts on Faith

If you are in the process of midlife divorce recovery, you are probably worried about being alone. I know at the beginning of the journey, you think you never want to be emotionally, physically, financially, sexually involved with anyone ever again for as long as you live! But that feeling passes pretty quickly. After that, you sometimes start being so incredibly lonely that you think you might not make it from one day to the next. That’s one of the differences of midlife divorce. You are facing a whole avalanche of sometimes lonely changes -- all at the same time: Your young, skinny body may have left you; your children are probably stretching their wings and needing you less; parents may be sick or dying; then your significant other decides someone else would be a lot more fun to live with, and you think you might actually physically die from the sheer, cold, desperate loneliness. I know. I’ve been there. But, you won’t die. You might want to. You will say, ‘This life is not worth the agony and pain.” But you can learn things in that desperate loneliness that you can’t learn any other way. You will find yourself. You will find a deeper understanding of God. You will discover that some relationships are worth having and some are toxic to you. Think about it. Were you lonely in your relationship before your divorce? You might have been busy; you might have been living in the same space; you might have had plenty of people around, but was your ex-husband really good for you? Especially lately? I know, after three years of dealing with a person who was supposed to love me, but who was having an emotional and physical relationship with someone else and destroying me in the process, I finally came to the accurate conclusion that that person was not good for me. He was corrupting my life and my character to some extent because I let him do that and was afraid to stand up and say enough is enough and be willing to be lonely for a while so that I could eventually get to an amazingly better place. Being alone is terrifying at the beginning. But be patient. You won’t always feel like that. You will grow through it. You will become more beautiful and real and wise because of it. You will hold on to your good character, and you will find joy again that you can’t believe. Read Anne Lamott. Start with her book, Traveling Mercies. Then Read Plan B – Further Thoughts on Faith. Don’t be afraid. You are strong. You are good. Your battle with loneliness can be the battle that brings you the most empowering and joyous victories.

“Don’t be misled, bad company corrupts good character.” 1 Corinthians 15:33 (NIV)

I’d like to know who is visiting my blog. If you feel comfortable doing it, please send your e-mail or contact information to me at suzysuccess@kc.rr.com. We can learn amazing things from each other. I’m sure you have things to share. I will not give your information to anyone else. I will not bombard you with e-mails or messages. I just want to connect and hear your story. It’s amazing how sharing your story is a step in the road to healing and your story could help someone else as well. You can also do that more formally by joining the other R.A.D.I.C.A.L Women at www.radicalwomennetwork.com.