R.A.D.I.C.A.L. Thoughts

“I said there was but one solitary thing about the past worth remembering and that was the fact that it is past - and can't be restored” Mark Twain

Today, this blog is a little hard for me to write. This is the anniversary of my marriage to my first husband. Even writing the words “my first husband” doesn’t seem right. There should only be one husband … ‘til death. That’s how life is supposed to work Laying in bed this morning, in the darkness, I thought about the fact that this date will always be an anniversary of that occasion. I didn’t cry, but I felt melancholy. As I lay there, I decided to go ahead and think about the good things of that marriage -- for ten minutes. I allowed myself to go back there. Sometimes I think we are afraid to go back to that life at all because of the pain of remembering what no longer is. I wanted to be able to remember the good things and not be sad. In some parts of the midlife divorce journey, it’s impossible to go back without sort of falling apart. But, after seven years out, I discovered that I could. I understand what Mark Twain is saying in his quote above, but I don’t totally agree. I think there are things worth remembering about our past. And one thing I’ve learned is that even though the past can’t be restored, it can be appreciated for what it was …. a part of our life journey. Some of it was good. Some of it was bad. Toward the end it was unendurable. But now, it’s past. The good, the bad and the ugly of that part of my life is past. I can store the good things in a place that I can appreciate but not mourn; I can remember some of the bad, so that I can keep the memory real; and I can remember the ugly so that I can fully understand why I had to move on. And after I have looked back for that ten minutes, I realized that I have my whole life ahead of me to make new memories. I will have anniversaries of new things in my life…. Relationships, victories, grandchildren, new discoveries. Don’t be afraid to appreciate the past. But don’t stay stuck there. Don’t forget that life is lived in the present. Joy comes in the Now. This day. This moment. When we learn from and appreciate the past for the teacher it was, we can begin to live even more fully and joyfully our moments now. The past has made us stronger and wiser. That reality lets me look at now with excited anticipation, but it also allows me to have a bright shimmering view of my future.

“’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)