R.A.D.I.C.A.L. Thoughts

"Do not look back in anger or forward in fear, but around in awareness." ~James Thurber

Some of the synonyms of awareness are cognizant, conscious, sensible, alive, awake, and alert. Those are positive action words. In the process of midlife divorce, we are so busy with negative action words like anger and fear. During my divorce I was more angry and afraid then I have been in my entire life. I was angry that my then-husband had so little care for me. I was angry he chose to end a family that we had nurtured for 33 years. I was angry that he somehow tried to make his decision to maintain an affair for more than three years my fault. And I was afraid that in spite of all my anger, that I might not ever really be happy again. But when, like James Thurber suggests, I started looking at my life with new eyes, things started changing. I made the conscious decision that I would not live with someone who did not respect me and someone who I allowed to do destructive things for too long. In my desire to keep our marriage together, I did things that made me become a person I didn't want to be. I was giving up my standards and my personal integrity when I allowed someone to totally disregard our promises to each other. I was not only angry and afraid, but worried, frustrated, sad, depressed and just about every other negative thing you could think of. But when I opened my eyes and stood up for what I knew to be right, I started understanding that if we allow someone else to bring us down into the muck with them because of their hurtful actions, it's our own fault. When we see what we are doing, we can develop the resolve to change. When we do that, life can become the glorious experience it should be.

"Keep your eyes open, hold tight to your convictions, give it all you've got, be resolute and love without stopping." ~ 1 Corinthians 16:13-14 (The Message)