R.A.D.I.C.A.L. Thoughts

"I keep building barricades, hiding from pain, distracting myself from agony, and then I wrench myself out of my illusion of safety and face the work."
SARK, author, artist, incest survivor

Sark asks, "What wakes you at 3 A.M. and feels scary?" I'll admit sometimes you (you women who are in the middle of midlife divorce recovery) wake me at 3 A.M. I worry about you. I think every truthful person feels a little anxious about the holidays. But I worry about you especially because I know that when you are where you are in your divorce journey, the holidays can feel overwhelming. I have tried to talk about the holidays in an upbeat way. I have tried to be lighthearted about it, but I know where you are and it's not easy. I'm confident you will get through it. I got through it. We all get through it. I cried when I heard the music. I cried when I put up the decorations. I cried when I bought presents. But I cried mainly about what was lost. I wanted my old holidays back. I wanted all of us together. So I know how you are feeling and sometimes that wakes me up in the middle of the night. How can I really help? What can you do yourself? You can help each other. You can pray. You can call on your friends and relatives. But in the middle of the night, you still have to face the new holidays yourself. You have to do the work. Remember, though, it's not all work. There's real joy in there, too. Realize without a doubt, you will find joy in the holidays. You can learn to see them with new eyes and you can learn the more important lessons about what the holidays REALLY are about. They aren't about you. They are about celebrating the enduring things. They are about finding and sharing love even through difficulty ... even when things aren't perfect. When you look back, they may be more perfect than you realize. Find the deeper meaning of Thanksgiving and Christmas and Hanukkah and Kwanza. When you wake up at 3:00 a.m., cry if you need to; then get up and decide to celebrate.

"When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made one as well as the other."
Ecclesiastes 7:14 (NIV)
PS. Don't forget to go to www.radicalwomennetwork.com and join. You can download the "Surviving the Holidays While You're Surviving Divorce: 101 R.A.D.I.C.A.L. Helps for the Holidays." I think it will really help. S