R.A.D.I.C.A.L. Thoughts

"But in our own different ways we will have to pass through the terror and tears, the anger and guilt, the anxiety and despair. And in our own different ways, having managed somehow to work our way through our confrontations with unacceptable losses, we can begin to come to the end of mourning."
Judith Viorst - Necessary Losses

In the book quoted above, Judith Viorst gives the best description of mourning that I have read anywhere. Her chapter on grieving the death (or divorce) of a spouse described the absolute despair I felt at the end of my marriage. For some reason, I picked up that book again last night ... maybe because I had been thinking about my brother who died a few months ago. You should read that book. The subtitle is "The Loves, Dependencies, and Impossible Expectations That All of Us Have to Give Up In Order to Grow." Know that when I am doing these blogs, I do them from years past the kind of mourning that you are probably dealing with. I went through that valley. I felt all that desperate pain, too. And so now, being past it, I try to give you courage, optimistic hope and even humor. But since some of you are in the middle of that active grieving, I'm sure some of what I write sounds trite and unconvincing and shallow in the face of your despair. I wish I could hold each one of you in my arms and tell you everything will be okay. I wish I could protect you from the grief. But if I could, you would never grow. Just know this: you will get through the pain. You will decide to live on. You will find a way to come to grips with your losses. And here is the good part. As unconvincing as it sounds from where you are, there is joy again. And precisely because you have been through the unbridled grief, the morning takes on new meaning. The gladness is brighter and more sure. In fact, you can now make a new life that is indeed an amazing, whirling dance. I'm sure you don't believe that fact if you are in the active grieving stage. But put it in the back of your head that there will be an end to your mourning. The new dawn will break through. And truly "God will take off your black armband of grief, deck you out in wildflowers and turn your wild lament into a whirling dance!"

"You turned my wailing into dancing: you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy."
Psalm 30:11 (NIV)