R.A.D.I.C.A.L. Thoughts
"Anger is our friend. Not a nice friend. Not a gentle friend. But a very, very loyal friend. It will always tell us when we have been betrayed. It will always tell us when we have betrayed ourselves. It will always tell us that it is time to act in our own best interests."
Julia Cameron - The Artists Way
I can say without any reservation that some things during my midlife divorce saga made me angrier than I have ever been in my entire life. Until this experience, I did not realize that I could be visibly, completely out-of-control with my heart beating fast, my breath hard, and my fury overwhelming. After reading the quote above, I understand now that what I was usually enraged about was a violation of me or my relationship with my then-husband or a violation of the best interest of our children. Those violations made me furious. And they should have. If you are going through a divorce, there are things that understandably make you furious, too. Anger in itself is not wrong. It's a natural reaction to some situation that is unacceptable. As Julia Cameron goes on to say, "Anger is a tool." Recognize that it is alerting you to the fact that something is unmistakeably wrong and encouraging you to take some action to make things right. In the end, my anger at how my then husband was trampling on our marriage vows gave me the courage to finally file for divorce. It was a self-protective measure. I couldn't live in a situation of continual personal and emotional abuse. I'll admit, by the end, I could have strangled both him and his girlfriend. That, however, would have been a misuse of anger. That would have been wrong, and I would be sending these e-mails from the common area at the local prison. Use anger as a tool to help you move on to a new life ... a better life ... then you can put the anger, and the situation that caused it, behind you.
"Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry--but don't use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don't stay angry. Don't go to bed angry. Don't give the Devil that kind of foothold in your life."
Ephesians 4:26 (The Message)
