R.A.D.I.C.A.L. Thoughts
"If you want to work on improving someone, try working on yourself."
From "Blues ain't nothing but a good soul feeling bad" by Sheldon Kopp
Early on in the pre-divorce, separation, divorce process, I spent so much time trying to make my husband come to his senses. I kept trying to make him stop his other relationship ... I tried to make him change his behavior, and to make him understand what he was doing. I wrote letters, I yelled, I begged, I yelled some more, I cried. I would have been better off changing what I was doing. And because I was paying so much attention to his bad behavior, I was exhibiting bad behavior of my own. After quietly, sensibly making my case to him, I should have then turned my attention completely on myself. During this time, God was trying to say to me, "Quit trying to fix him and fix yourself. You both are going to reap what you sow. You are acting as ridiculous as he is by trying to control anyone but yourself. Take charge of your own actions. Continue living right and doing right and being honorable and being true. Those actions will bring their own rewards." I finally figured out that my joy would come in trusting God and in concentrating on being the person I should be no matter what my then-husband was doing. I remember laying awake at night or riding my bike or walking and thinking in my head about what I could say to make him change. I should have spent that time figuring out how I could change so that I was completely at peace no matter what he was doing. But remember, God also made us human, and he made us with these unbelievably intense emotions. He understood King David's plea to "rub my enemies faces in the dirt! Destroy them all!" He even said David was a man after his own heart, so I'm sure he understands our less-than-perfect behavior, too. Just remember, no one changes unless they want to, no matter who is saying they should or how often or how loudly they are saying it.
"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?"
Matthew 7:3 (NIV)
